I have to admit, it’s been a while since I’ve been on a date. Dating might have changed over the years, but the emotional “butterflies” or “rollercoaster” feeling you get before that first date probably has not changed all that much.
The truth of how to act on a first date is simple, just be yourself. However, that advice is what I would call “a truth with modifications.” What I mean by that is you should be yourself but not “let it all out” on the first date. For example, I sometimes have what I consider a “twisted sense of humor.” And, although that can be funny in the right situation, it can also easily be misunderstood by the person I’m talking to at the time. Once you get to know me, however, my sense of humor becomes easier to understand.
So, be yourself, but remember the person you’re going out with needs time to get to know your personality. Unless of course you just want to get laid but that is another discussion better kept in a separate blog post.
Don’t try to impress your date
Have you ever connected with another person in a way that made you want to tell him/her everything? I know I have, and although the feeling is great and everything seems “right”, my advice (even though you haven’t asked for it) is to resist the temptation. Remember, the other person needs some time to understand who you are.
Think about it this way. Turn the situation around. What are some thoughts you might have if the person across from you keeps going on-and-on about him/herself? When there are too many impressions on the table (so to speak) it can easily cloud the image of and give the wrong perception of who you really are.
Sometimes, we just try too hard. You know what I mean? Our intentions are good but the perception of how we come across at that point will not be accurate. So, just relax, be yourself and see what happens. After all, if it works out you won’t have to worry about “keeping up pretenses”, and if the date doesn’t work out then you just saved yourself from future problems and/or pain.
If you really want to impress your date – PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY.
Just listen – don’t think about how to respond
When your focus is on how you will respond to what someone is talking about, you are actually not listening, you are only hearing what the other person is saying. Listening is an art and it takes practice. When your focus is on the story the other person is telling, your response will come naturally.
If you’re nervous or don’t know what to say, or how to say it, well then say that! After all, it’s natural to be nervous and if you’re with a nice person (s)he will understand and ultimately help move the conversation forward. If the person does not react with kindness to your honesty, then you know you’re with the wrong person.
After all, anyone can be nice and kind when things go well. It’s when something happens or becomes awkward or difficult that the true person comes out (so to speak). How someone reacts when things don’t go according to the plan tends to be a good indicator of what that person is truly like.
Questions to ask on a first date
What questions do you ask on a first date? Wow, that in itself is a big question. The answer depends on what you expect from the date. Some people go on dates for “the long term goal” such as a permanent relationship. Other people don’t necessarily care about a long-term relationship and date for the sake of dating.
So, identify your own reasons for going on that first date, and think about what you want from it. One of the best ways to get to know someone is of course to ask questions. Don’t make them too personal right away, but personal enough that you learn something of value about your date.
Most people like to talk about themselves, and that’s okay because that gives you the opportunity to listen. How people talk about others, respond to questions about their lives etc. can tell you a lot about that person.
Ask open-ended questions (questions that have to be answered with more than a “yes” or a “no”), then sit back and listen.
What to wear on a first date
Once you’ve decided your reason for going on that first date, figuring out what to wear becomes easier. For example, if you’re looking for a “one-night-stand” your outfit will most likely be more seductive and/or sexier than if your goals are more long-term and permanent.
Best advice is to wear something you feel comfortable and good in (no, not sweat pants) and that you like to wear. For example, do you have that special (maybe even black) dress that makes you walk a little taller when you’re wearing it? You know what I mean, the outfit that just makes you feel sexy no matter where you’re wearing it. If you have that outfit, wear it on your first date! Confidence is everything.
All in all, what dating comes down to is expectations and being yourself.
- Be yourself – honest – but not everything at one time
- Know your own expectations for the date
- Think about what you want to know about the person – then ask the questions
- Learn to listen – we all enjoy talking about ourselves, but still learn to listen
- Pay attention – how does (s)he treat others when you are out? Is (s)he polite? Arrogant? Funny? Too flirty? To controlling? Too interested?
- Wear something comfortable that makes you feel good – not too dressed down and not too dressed up
- If all else fails – go buy the little black dress (you won’t go wrong)
- Add a touch of perfume (and please don’t overdo it) too much of anything (even perfume) is not good and you’ll be remembered for the wrong reasons.
Last, but not least, have fun and make it an evening you willingly want to look back on. On the other hand, if it’s not a good date you do have the option to leave.
Thanks for reading,